A documentary about Esther Seidel

Directed by Alice del Pizzo 2021

My name is Esther Lucia Maria Seidel. Esther is a Jewish name, although I am not Jewish; I come from a small village on Lake Constance in Germany. Lucia and Maria were my grandmothers, two women of little heart. 

I am not like them. I am the exact opposite, so it is nice to think that we are not just made up of ancestors, blood and the stuff of our family history. We are free to choose and to follow our own paths, leaving behind the traumas, disappointments and wounds of our family tree; We are free to look beyond, into the Universe, where we find many answers… 

 

ALL THE ANSWERS ARE INSIDE

 

I am an artist and this, more than a profession, is a true vocation. I have never stopped investigating, searching, and following my instincts through my work. 

 

They are me,

I am them,

they are my interior 

as I am their exterior

and as I have changed over the course of my life,

they have changed with me. 

 

 

LIFE

 

I studied Art History in Bamberg, Germany, then I moved to Munich to enroll at the Academy, but soon I found work with a sculptor who worked in Munich and Pietrasanta, so I went to Italy and enrolled at the Academy of Fine Arts in Carrara.

During my first year at the Academy, I met Patrick, a young man from Switzerland who became my partner both in work and in life and the father of my son. 

During my years at the Academy, I was interested in the human body, especially the female body: my large, shapely women allowed me to study volume and balance.

They were very heavy as I used both terracotta and cement. The process was long and very laborious.

Today, as in the past, taking ownership of time so as to devote it entirely to my work is part of each piece, as if it were an element, a material, a colour. 

In the year 2000, Vinzent was born and in the same year, after 17 years together, my relationship with the man I had married came to an end.

My life changed completely. I was alone with my child: I had to let go of the old patterns of married life and find a new daily structure to be able to work,

feel like a mother and an artist. I started to take pictures of myself and process them on the computer, then I had them printed on canvas. I bought woolen thread with which I would embroider the images, and my "mobile studio" was complete!

Wherever I was, Vinzent and my embroidery bag were with me.

It was both exciting and moving for me to experience my femininity in the lightness of the material and the repetition of the gesture of needle and thread, as if it were a mantra. 

 

 

STUDY AND RESEARCH

 

In the last few years I have intensified my study of a theme that is very important to me, that of the Second World War, of the Holocaust and National Socialism. Compared to this atrocious experience, any pain in my personal life lost its importance.

Moreover, deepening and trying to understand this historical moment by reading from different points of view how it could have happened, leads to the question: how would I have behaved? 

It is too easy to imagine myself as brave, together with a group of people from the Resistance.

There is only hope that it would have been so, but the theme of "guilt" has always been present in my life.

 

My recent work has come about as a result of a long journey of experiences, of pain, of becoming a mother, of seeing my great dream of a traditional couple and family shattered, which perhaps was not even mine, but instilled by my upbringing.

I grew up with a profoundly Catholic mother: I experienced religion as such an external and formal dogma that as an adult I decided to leave the church, and I got unbaptised.

I do not believe in a God or a deity outside myself, but I believe that we are the Divine.

I perceive spirituality as a continuous journey in search of the inner self. 

As a child, I was fascinated by the Madonna and her artistic representations, especially the 'Schutzmantelmadonna': the Madonna who protects entire populations under her mantle. I used to disguise myself as Our Lady with a veil and a cloak to imitate her. 

Today I still see myself as a Madonna with a halo: as a woman, as a mother and as a great protector.

My thoughts are embroidered in my work: Hope, consolation, love for the world, people, nature.

All these are represented in my Madonnas: in the stars, in the spheres and haloes.

I interpret the halo as an "inner light" that is reflected in the sky, our aura.

Whenever I read, or look at, or embroider haloes, I am moved. 

 

 

INSPIRATION AND CREATION 

 

When I begin a new tapestry, I am very often inspired by the distinctiveness of a particular fabric.

It can be a small cutout from an upholsterer or an old square of linen from an antiques market.

I'm fascinated by craftsmanship: the long, slow and repetitive process reflects and resonates with me.

I love to work, think about, and take care of my work; feeling everything with care and love makes me happy. 

I love experimenting with different textures: I buy old liturgical fabric from which I cut flowers and ornaments and put them back together again. Or I print leaves, flowers and grasses on fabrics, or I make various types of rust and vinegar dyes to colour my fabrics.

 

For a while now I've been collecting aluminium bottle caps and coffee capsules, which I crush with a press and join with a thread. I'm going to use them to create a mantle for a 5-metre Madonna that will be hung outdoors and made entirely of recycled material.

I am currently working on a triptych of a Madonna that I call "Mother Earth", and I am working on my next project.

The embroidery will be woven on Jacquard looms — a type of loom that allows for the realisation of very complex designs.

The embroidery will be completed in collaboration with Riccardo Bruni, a person of great professionalism and passion. He is a textile designer for Lyria, a notable Italian textile company which specializes in innovative materials. I find theirs to be the most beautiful and unusual fabrics available.

 

To conclude, I want to say a few things to today’s young artists: 

don't let yourself be influenced, don't change your dreams and ideas for others. You will achieve everything you really want. 

Perhaps your path will not be exactly how you imagined it would be. Do not let yourself be intimidated. This is your life and these are your choices.

Follow your inner voice. It will lead you to understand how you want to express yourself, what you have to say, and which artistic medium suits you best. Don't hesitate to experiment. And lastly, the advice that I feel most strongly about is: don't be afraid to fail, or that you are not good enough. Express your art anyway, without worrying about being liked or not.

You are all unique, with your own story, which each of you will express in your own way. 

I spent a month in Iceland with 40 artists from all over the world who were between 25 and 76 years old.

There were sculptors, dancers, musicians, photographers, painters, performers, installation artists, poets and video artists. Everyone was busy with his or her own project, yet at the same time always ready to listen to others, give advice and exchange opinions. Between us there were no ethnic differences — we were kindred spirits, a unit, an extended family.

The world is our home and everyone works in their own way to improve it, to take care of it and to help it.